


Comfort || James 'Bucky' Barnes/Male!Reader

by InsomniKing



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: "oh my god they were roomates", Apartments, Bisexual Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Gay shenanigans, I am a Clint Barton stan, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader is Gay - Freeform, Therapy, Usage of James versus Bucky, Veterans, almost everyone is gay, male reader - Freeform, more tags to add later, recovering Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 12:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniKing/pseuds/InsomniKing





	1. Pilot

_Will not include: **Infinity War**_

_Will include: **Avengers, Captain America: Civil War, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron** , Non-canon details/headcanons_

_Fandom - **MCU / Captain America**_

_Captain America © **Marvel Entertainment / The Walt Disney Company**_

 

* * *

 

 

    Bucky woke up to the sound of his baby goats bleating as kids laughed. Fixing his sleep-rumpled hair, he lifted himself out of his cot and walked out of his small hut, feeling warm in the Wakandan sunrise. Stretching his back like a cat, the village kids ran over to greet him like they did every morning, chanting ‘White Wolf!!’ as they circled around him. Bucky found himself smiling at the cheery village children, listening to them talk about lessons they’ve learned in school, asking if the mother goat has given birth yet (she has not). He also refuses to let one of the kids name his precious billies ‘Big Chungus’ because that meme is fucking stupid to Bucky. The kids were called by their mothers, so they bid their goodbyes and left him to his own devices.

    Bucky began taking care of his billies, feeding them and checking their coats for any spurs that nestled into the hair, visiting the pregnant goat that was about to give birth. He gave her some gentle words as he stroked her head, watching to make sure the male goat guarding her wouldn’t snap at him unlike last night. Giving the male goat some attention, he received a message from Shuri via Kimoyo beads, making his way towards his small home to check the message, he listened to the sound of a small flyer touchdown away from his goats (they scared them the last time and Bucky told them off). Seeing that it was time for his weekly visit with the small mastermind Shuri, he grabbed the black-wrapped unidentifiable object sitting safely and untouched on top of his dresser, carrying it out with him and boarding the flyer.

    One short ride later, he finds himself in the lab of Shuri, listening to her rattle on about her new fascination with small house pets wearing baby clothes, showing Bucky thirty examples of this trend from her beads. She continued to talk about them during his Vibranium prosthetic arm diagnostic.

    “Shuri, can I ask something?” Bucky muttered after his arm was installed into his shoulder, in the middle of a pressure sensitivity test.

    “Yes! Is something wrong with the arm?” The small Wakandan asked.

    “No, no! It’s great, actually. Thank you again. I actually wanted to ask about something else…” Bucky told himself mentally to abort mission, but he needed to get this out or else it’ll never be heard.

    “Don’t take this as I’m not grateful for everything you have done for me I… In fact I don’t think I would’ve gotten far without your help. You were great to me despite all the ghost stories about me. I can’t thank you enough for helping me find out who I was after….” he wasn’t ready to dive down that hole yet, “I was wondering, actually, about, maybe, uhm, tell me if this is a bit of a stretch but, maybe I could go back to America? I know, it’s so rude to even think it, but when you were sucking the Asset out of me, I kept thinking about how much I actually do miss Brooklyn and that shabby apartment Steve used to live in. It makes me wonder what it would be like, to, you know, have a normal life after the war…” Bucky felt foolish now, stumbling over his words like a newborn billy.

    Shuri lit up like she had a technological breakthrough; “Bucky! Mister Goat Man! That’s awesome! I think that’s awesome to think that! I don’t think you’re being rude for wanting justice for being wronged all those decades ago. I think that’s a great idea personally!” Shuri smiled, and Bucky found himself smiling as well from the infectious energy of the young inventor. “I think that’s a perfect goal to strive for. It shows that you’re improving, and your memory is returning. How much of New York do you remember?” Shuri asked in a calmer voice

    “The details are always blurry, but I remember Steve fucking Rogers and the stupid cinder block he hid his spare key under. It was so obvious and anyone could’ve broken into his house with that key, but he never moved it,” Bucky smiled at the memory of the chipped rock on the apartment doorstep.

    “Pre-Captain America Steve Rogers was kind of a dumbass,” Shuri commented.

    “Yeah, seems like it,” Bucky sighed, slouching in his chair as he flexed the fingers on his left arm, watching the light glisten off their reflective surface. The door of Shuri’s lab opened to reveal T’Challa, looking as angry as a wet cat, skulking into the lab and making sure the doors locked and were in a ‘Do Not Disturb’ lockdown. A meeting did not go well for the King it seems.

    “Why do people think we are cannibals? Because of their falsely-written textbooks by predominantly white male scholars, who are blindsided by the idea of capitalism and patriotism that they forget that they are the ones who have taken our brothers and sisters to their stolen lands, trying to control them like animals?”

    “It was that bad today?” Bucky winced.

    “I wonder if I would get away with taking a sick day the next time they ask me to show up for a panel…”

    “Say you’re having a war; seems like the world stops for unnecessary wars all the time.” Shuri commented.

    “How are you today Bucky?” T’Challa asked.

    “I’m good. Abuita is about to go in labour at any moment, so the kids have been helping a lot with helping me care for the other goats.”

    “I meant you personally, Bucky,” T’Challa smiled.

    “Oh, well, I did remember something last night. I just told Shuri about it— I keep remembering living in Brooklyn with Steve. I miss it…”

    “We we’re talking about Bucky moving back to Brooklyn— maybe being in the city would help jog a few memories?” Shuri offered, the King looking at Bucky and seeing the same hope reflecting in his eyes.

    “Mr. Stark spoke to me briefly about a residence that houses ex soldiers looking to integrate back into society. It’s through a program based in a hospital that one of the Avengers used to work in. I’ll ask him about it when he flies down this week.” Bucky has never smiled so widely.

 

|||||

 

    Exhaustion riddled every bone, a migraine making itself known and thumping on every wall of his head. He bid farewell to his latest visitor, retreating to his office and hanging up a “DND” door handle sign, determined to get a few minutes to himself. It was obvious he needed a few minutes to recuperate.

        Doctor (Name) (Last Name) was a psychologist at the local VA. He offered psychological care and support for a handful of new and old vets. He was also the independent owner and director of the ‘Bobbi’s Care’ program; named after the late Bobbi (Last Name), (Name) rents out the apartments in the complex he owns to vets that are trying to accustom to life outside the war zone.

        Sometimes his sessions were stressful; it’s expected coming from his patients that normally were a tight package of PTSD thrown into a civilians world after becoming used to the life of a soldier. He loves his patients, don’t think that, but sometimes you get a visitor that sucks all your motivation and energy out of you like a mosquito. It doesn’t help his case that (Name) was just verbally attacked by a couple thinking they could rent his apartments at a higher price and take a home away from a deserving veteran, so he was dependent on strong triple-shot espressos from the cafe near the hospital. Finishing his cold espresso, he tossed the cup in his recycling bin, putting his face in his cupped hands, groaning loudly at his own shortcomings. He was interrupted by a tiny pat to his hands, followed by a rapid-fire set of pats. Moving his hands, he was greeted by the small wrinkled face of his now-screaming cat. Her collar jingled as she rubbed her face into (Name)’s, him laughing and petting his cat.

    “It’s OK Pepi; I won’t do anything stupid,” Pepi chirped and rolled onto her back to present her stomach, (Name) giving her a gentle rub, “it’s OK darling, I’m OK.” He assured his cat. Pepi gave a nod, she was so understanding. The Sphinx cat purred in his arms, rubbing her head on her owners chin, knocking into the ESA ID card clipped to (Name)’s sweater. It made a gross noise, but (Name) didn’t mind.

       The feline continued to purr, but stared at the door. The doctor thought it was weird, knowing her to do that with only a handful of people. Looking in his desk drawer, he made sure that his Do Not Disturb sign was up, curious on who was knocking on his door with the most gentle of touches.

    “Come in…” he muttered weakly, watching the door open to reveal the blond mess known as Clint Barton, looking utterly offended. A hand was placed daintily on his heart, looking like he watched his mother be stabbed in front of him.

    “Uhm, your best friend is visiting and you talk to me like that? In that tone of voice? With that dead look in your eyes? Nah-- I want peppy as fuck, chuckle-fuck (Name).” Pepi demanded attention from Clint the entire time, meowing at him and jumping from (Name)’s lap, “OK; I’m gonna leave the room, and come back in, and we’re gonna try that again, OK darling?” Clint had this ‘showtime’ voice, making (Name) smile as Clint left the room.

    Another knock on the door-- it was mimicked perfectly from last time. (Name) rolled his eyes and felt a wave of laughter approaching, “oh, do come in.” He said in a stereotypical diva voice, watching Clint practically swing the door wide open, causing Pepi to stir and continue to demand the attention she so-dearly deserves. This time, Clint let her rub against his legs.

    “Oh! Why, it seems like my best friend is here! In his office! Like he’s paid to sit there! How peculiar! Oh, how I have missed you, my dear!”

    “Clint please stop talking,” the doctor could no longer hold in his laughter, spilling out like an erupting volcano. Clint smiled, picking up Pepi and kissing her on the forehead.

    “Hey, you alright?” Clint asked seriously, sitting down on (Name)’s desk, watching how (Name)’s head immediately gravitated to rest on Clint’s thigh. It was quite miraculous, watching Pepi relocate to sit next to her owner’s head. “When was the last time you slept?” (Name)’s <e/c> eyes were accentuated by deep raccoon eye-esque bags.

    “No; this one family won’t stop hassling me. They want to buy Corporal Rodriguez’s old apartment so they can live closer to the main part of the city. I fucking hate it! I tell them over and over again that my apartments are only for veterans-- they keep writing me checks like I do this for the money!” (Name) complained, “it’s getting me so fucking wired. I don’t see why they think they can interrupt my time to talk about shit they’ll never achieve! They called me seven times yesterday. / _Seven_ /,” (Name) yawned.

    “Want me to stick all their furniture to the ceiling?” Clint asked, petting both (Name) and Pepi.

    “You know, just because Nat did it to you when you kept annoying her, doesn’t mean you can do it to strangers you’ve never met before.”

    “Oh, why not? It took me fucking forever to get it all down, imagine if you woke up to / _everything_ / on the ceiling. Including yourself,” Clint watched his friend sit up and walk over to where his bag was, fishing out a jar of treats. Pepi sat to attention, standing on her hind legs and trying to figure out what her owner had planned for her. She chirped again, (Name) twirling his lone finger and watching Pepi do her own twirl, begging with her paws. Throwing the treat in the air, Pepi catches it in her mouth. He then throws a cat treat at Clint, watching him catch it in his hands, “so, how’s it been besides the asshole hagglers?” Count watched (Name) retake his seat, Pepi now on the desk.

    “I just need more sleep— that’s all. Don’t worry about me Clint; as your therapist, I do believe that it is my job to do the worrying in the relationship,” (Name) grinned.

      “Well, I’m worried about you as a friend, not a patient. Two different things.”

    “Don’t worry, I’m gonna be good.” Pepi purred against (Name)’s chin, rolling and presenting her stomach like before, (Name) pressing his face gently into her belly.

          “Every time you feel like taking a nap but you can’t, do you just do that?” Clint gestured to (Name) in Pepi’s stomach.

           “It’s called Tummy Time you degenerate, and its very crucial to my daily schedule thank-you-very-much,” (Name) said as he turned his head to talk to Clint better, “how long you gonna be back until you’re shipped off to wherever?”

    “I’m retired, remember? It’s official this time, by the way,” Clint said, “I told the Avengers that I wasn’t coming back to the team, that I was done for good. Let’s hope I listen this time…”

    “So is Kate officially taking the title of Hawkeye then?” (Name) asked, remembering the small girl he introduced him to with a pension for a bow and arrows.

    “Yeah, seems like it. She’s following in my footsteps with a fury. Just trying to make sure that SHIELD doesn’t try to corrupt her head with their ideals.”

    (Name) and Clint talked for a good while, the director of the hospital interrupting the two and sending (Name) home early for the night to make up for the graveyard shifts he’s pulled the last few days. Fitting Pepi to her ESA harness, Clint helped his friend gather his belongings to leave for the night, having a few days to himself coming up. (Name) said his goodbyes to his coworkers as he walked past them, leading Clint through the security gates and the front doors. Clint and (Name) parted ways at the carpark, (Name) and Pepi walking the way to his car alone. Opening the trunk door, the male practically threw his bag in, opening the door for Pepi.

    Driving around Brooklyn when there was a dark rain was the best feeling in the world for (Name). It reminded him of when he was younger and free; driving around all of New York with his friends to visit weird gift shops at three in the morning. The street lights reflected on the wet roads, the gentle thrum of rain beating on the glass windshield. Pepi was always darting her head and eyes around every time a streetlight changed, the reflection on the ground mirroring it. Pulling into the parking lot of his apartment complex, he grabbed the umbrella he had stashed in the backseat, carrying Pepi in his coat to prevent his cat from getting wet as he ran to the apartment’s front door, taking the lift to his floor. He told himself that he’d retrieve everything in his car tomorrow as he unlocked his door. Yawning, he walked into his apartment and let Pepi go finally, feeling her squirm like a wet noodle under his jacket. The cat padded softly to where her water and food bowl was, being patient as she watched her father unravel the Falcon themed scarf from his neck, hanging it up on a set of racks with similar style scarves. Finally ridding himself of the wet clothing, he fed Pepi, crashing on his couch. He was exhausted. He hadn’t even eaten or plugged his cellphone into its charger before he fell asleep.

    His phone rang at four in the morning, startling him awake with an anxiety attack. Pepi was sleeping on his chest, purring as she gave (Name)’s chin a gentle lick. Rubbing his blurry eyes, he pulled out his phone from his pocket, seeing the photo of himself and his good friend on his screen, (Name) smiling as he picked it up.

    “Hey,” his voice croaked, “how’re you?”

    “Oh, were you sleeping? Whoops! Sorry there.” His friend apologized, (Name) moving Pepi to his lap and sitting up.

    “Sam; it’s half-past three AM. I typically like to be sleeping by then,” (Name) watched Sam’s face appear on his phone screen, (Name) propping his phone up on his coffee table, “where the hell are you? Looks like you’re on one of those fucking Atlantis holiday stays,” (Name) commented, trying to fix his messy bedhead.

    “That’s because I am, baby! Presidential Suite!” Sam flipped his camera to show off the room, “finally getting the vacation I’ve been needing and rightfully deserve.”

    “Yeah, I feel ya on that,” (Name) sighed stroking Pepi gently, “how long you on vacation for?”

    (Name) froze as he heard a voice in the background of Sam’s side of the call, though Sam wasn’t disturbed by the sound though, the camera being jostled around and some discreet mumbling being picked up by the microphone. When the camera was flipped back around to face Sam, it was actually world-renowned inventor and genius Tony Stark. Immediately (Name) freaked out, sending Pepi in a tizzy as the doctor apologized profusely about his current state, fixing his sweater and hair.

    “Nice Iron Man sweater. I remember giving Sam the / _same exact one_ /,” Tony looked at Sam, who was pretending to be busy. (Name) was frazzled in thirty different ways, one of those ways being the sweater he wore wasn’t an obvious Iron Man sweater; red torso and shoulders fading to gold on the upper arms, returning to red the rest of the way down. It could be seen as a trendy sweater from IZOD, but it was replicating the Mark XLVI suit from the Flughafen Leipzig-Halle airport battle. (Name) just so happened to receive the sweater as a gift from Sam himself, since he didn’t like the ‘ugly, clashing colours’ as he described it.

    “I’m sorry, Mr. Stark,” (Name) swallowed, feeling his face burn with embarrassment.

    “Nah, it looks really flattering on you. At least it wasn’t burned up and thrown away,” (Name) was feeling several emotions at once currently, not expecting to hear from /the/ Tony Stark that he looked ‘flattering’ in any way, “You’re the director of Bobbi’s Care,” it wasn’t even a question and it sent chills up and down his spine, “tell me, how many veterans do you have in your apartment?”

    “I’m sorry? I don’t think that’s any of your concern,” Sam seemed proud of his friend standing up for his organization, “I don’t disclose my tenants information. If I were to ask who your secretary was, you wouldn’t give me their address, would you?” Despite having a panic attack, he felt confident with what he said.

    “I can see what you mean, Sam. I like this guy,” Tony smiled, “you’re ex-SHIELD; retired because of mental health-related reasons. No need to confirm; I read your file. You went to the same school as Birdbrain here. When you were a SHIELD agent as a therapist you had Clint Barton as a patient after the Attack on New York by the Chitauri, and you helped Sam after the Clash of the Avengers battle. You’ve had your hands deep in the minds of the Avengers for a while now.”

    “I don’t see where this is going; is this a scare tactic?” (Name) asked, looking at Tony Stark with a determined glint in his eyes, “I don’t understand why you thought you could use Sam and I’s friendship for your own gain here.”

    “It’s nothing like that, I just have a few questions for you; you know about the Winter Soldier, correct?” (Name)’s heart dropped to his stomach, his breath stuck in his throat. Pepi let out a small meow, rubbing her head into her owner’s chin.

    “Yeah. Biggest talk of the century in my wing-- I can’t remember all the debates I’ve had about him with my colleagues--”

    “Do you think the Winter Soldier deserves another chance at life?”

    The question was unexpected; at a modest 4AM, an hour and a half before the sun would rise. (Name) was silent out of pure shock, watching Sam come into the frame once again to look at his schoolmate, watching the emotions cross his face as Pepi gave gentle licks to her owner’s jawline. The only time (Name) moved was to look down at his cat and give her attention.

    “Of course he does; if I do remember right, that man had nearly 70 years shaved off his life, being used as a fucking murder-puppet for HYDRA. He deserves to live the life he was granted with, living a life outside of the war. I think every fucking soldier deserves that-- mind controlled or not. Why the fuck do you think I created my program? I’ve experienced firsthand what war does to a person’s mind, how it scrambles it like an egg, then it’ll throw you back into the world with nowhere to go, with no plan. So yeah, I think Sergeant Barnes does deserve another chance at life, and I will gladly snap at anyone who thinks otherwise.”

    “You wrote an anonymous 12-page essay on how you believe that the Winter Soldier was never a bad guy, making the point that, and I quote, ‘typically--” Sam started.

    “... Typically your classic villain will find pleasure in the pain and the hardships they bring with them. Some say the Winter Soldier is psychopathic-- but to be a psychopath, you must first not feel any emotions at /all/. Yes, the Winter Soldier has had his emotions ‘sucked’ out of him, basically taking his brain and rewiring it to change how the brain processes emotions in order to completely halt the emotions, Though, being diagnosed as ‘psychopathic’ isn’t common by a doctor’s practice, but what some Mountain Dew-wired teenager will call their parents when they don’t get their way. Psychopaths lack empathy, and therefore, will manipulate people to sometimes feel guilty for them, and achieve what they want. Because of this, there is no way that the WInter Soldier could be considered a psychopath-- he does not care for his own end goal, but for whoever is in control of him. You could argue; “well, he’s still a villain!” You would be wrong again, because unlike most bad guys/villains, the Winter Soldier doesn’t enjoy taking life. The reason bad guys are considered ‘bad guys’, is because they know what they’re doing is not correct and malicious. They are fully aware of their actions and how they cause chaos. Sergeant Barnes as the Winter Soldier doesn’t have a moral compass to point himself in the right and wrong direction. As told by the other soldiers of the 107th and the Howling Commandos, they tell of Bucky being a righteous and kind man, taking care of his fellow soldiers and Steve Rogers himself, Mama Barnes herself telling about how he stood up for the young Steve Rogers when they were children.’ I read the entire essay last night and I’ve never been so conflicted in my life.” Tony took the wheel, carried it home with him, and tucked it into bed with the citation of a lifetime.

    “Shit,” (Name) hissed under his breath, remembering writing that paper purely out of spite of his coworker’s disgusting rant on how the Soldier should be put down ‘like a sick dog’.

    “I agree with you. As much as I used to think it, I don’t think Barnes is technically a bad guy. I can’t imagine what they did to his head.”

    “What does this have to do with me?” (Name) finally asked, his voice serious and stern.

    “What if I told you that Barnes /does/ have another chance of life, and you might help him achieve that? Sergeant Barnes’ brain had be rewired back to its former glory, and is currently looking for residency in Brooklyn--”

    “Yes.”

    “I, uh--”

    “Yes. You had me at ‘Barnes has another chance of life’. That’s all I gotta hear.”

|||||

    Bucky woke up feeling like he’s slept for another 90 years, yawning with an open mouth. He’s been so restless since talking to T’Challa about going back to Brooklyn. Though he should really cut himself some slack, since it is something Bucky really wants. Only a few days had passed since Bucky brought it up and Tony was already confident that he found the best place for him, marking today as the day he was travelling to New York. Sitting in the cold seat of Shuri’s lab, he waited for the young princess to emerge from wherever she hid. Looking at his Kimoyo beads, he saw that Tony would arrive in Wakanda later that evening, since he had a United Nations panel he had to attend with T’Challa. Subconsciously flexing his Vibranium hand, he recalled the memory of the Clash of the Avengers battle in Sokovia, a face appearing behind his closed eyes. A flash of red followed, making Bucky clench his hands tightly.

    A chill ran up his spine. He hated it.

    Shuri came into the room wearing a bright smile as they went through the normal exercises, trying to stir the pot of memories that slumbered in the back of his mind. Some things here and there he remembered, mostly about HYDRA, but he was told it's better than nothing.

    “I can feel your excitement three rooms away,” Shuri smiled, Bucky feeling flustered.

    “Sorry,” he bounced his knee, “I’m just nervous and excited. Do you know anything about where Tony is sending me?”

    “I know a little, but my brother seems confident in Stark’s decision as well. I have a hunch that you’ll enjoy living in the city again, seeing how much you talk about it. Maybe you could go out and go dancin’ again like you did back in the 1940’s. Woo some women.” Shuri flexed her eyebrows.

    “Shuri, I will pay you to stop talking like that!” Bucky laughed at the younger’s impression of him back in the 40’s.

    “In all seriousness, I do believe that will be good for you. There’s so much technology can do before the mind needs to pick up its slack. There’s so much I can do for you before I reach a brick wall. I’m confident that you’ll be able to figure things out.” A supportive hand made its way to Bucky’s flesh shoulder, a reassuring squeeze following. Bucky nodded as he let out a heavy sigh. “Try to relax before this evening, Buck.”

    “I will… Thank you for everything Shuri,” Bucky stood up, giving the smaller female a hug, “you were like a sister to me-- my black, memelord little sister,” Shuri laughed.

    “And you’re the broken white brother I’ve always wanted.” She went to detach the Vibranium arm like she normally did, but Bucky stopped her.

    “Maybe… Maybe wearing the prosthetic will make this guy I’m meeting less uncomfortable than having a missing arm?” Bucky asked in a small voice.

    “Worry about you being comfortable before other people, Buck. If you want to wear it, I won’t stop you. Remember that you are allowed to be selfish though.” The two smiled at one another.

    Leaving Shuri back at the castle, instead of heading immediately back to his small hut like he normally did, he decided to go to the marketplace, wanting to distract himself from this evening. He took the transit to the market near the castle, adjusting the cloth covering where his Vibranium arm was so it wasn’t too obvious. Shopping around, he greeted some of the Wakandans that smiled at him, sticking out like a sore thumb as the only white man in the street. The Wakandans were nice to him though, not rude to him in the slightest. He spoke to some of the merchants, the merchants always telling him stories about how they fought wild boars over some salmon the other day. The merchants always told great stories, Bucky’s noticed. Checking the time on his beads, he noticed it was close to the end of the United Nations meeting Tony and T’Challa were in, coming to terms that it was finally time to leave Wakanda.

    Taking the public transport, his communication bead flashed, shaking his wrist twice to show a small hologram of a message from Sam Wilson, who visited him often once he was out of ice. The message he sent was a how-to guide on how to put on eyeliner. Snorting, he shook his head and stuffed his hand in his pocket, stepping off the train and walking the rest of the way to his small home. It wasn’t that bad of a walk for him, basking in the warm Wakandan sun and it started to slowly set. Hearing a distant rumble, Bucky looked in the skies to see a Wakandan flyer zoom past him and land a handful of yards away from him. Bucky’s heart thumped in his chest, the nerves coming back to him and lighting every inch of his body on fire. Visibly swallowing, Bucky walked up to the opening doors of the flyer, watching Tony nearly trip on the way out, not ready for the rumble of the flyer. Bucky smiled, though tried to hide it the best he could.

    “I can see you laughing there Barnes,” Tony chastised, “go ahead, you can laugh.”

    “Sorry,” Bucky exhaled his laughter out of his nose, “how was the panel?”

    “Eh, same shit it always is. So, you ready to leave Wakanda and come back home?”

    Home; it sounded foreign to Bucky. All he’s known for most of his life is a cold chair that electrocutes his head. Sure, he had his hut on the outskirts of the Border Tribe, but that’s a recent accommodation for Buck. No, Tony was talking about going back to Brooklyn, his original home. Sucking in a tight breath, he counted for a few seconds, releasing all the tension in his body.

    He wordlessly nodded.

    |||||

    (Name) was pacing.

    Pepi followed him with every step, watching her owner mumble to himself like a crazed man. She meowed at him every time he went to pull his hair out of stress, twisting his fingers to keep his hands busy. He stopped pacing to run over to his desktop, sitting down and reading the article he wrote what felt like ages ago, still in awe that Tony Stark not only found it, but was able to quote it word-from-word. Pepi stood on his desk, walking in front of his monitor to block his view, meowing as she licked his nose. Smiling, he shut off the monitor and turned to read the file that Stark supplied him from Barnes’ time at Wakanda, trying to keep himself busy. He then moved the file to reveal the floor plan of his apartments, erasing some notes he wrote in pencil about ‘vantage points’, still in the mindset of a SHIELD agent sometimes. A knock to his door made his head snap up, making his way around his desk (and roadblock Pepi) to open the door to his new visitor. Exhaling, he punched the visitor in the shoulder rather hard.

    “You scared the ever-loving shit outta me, Falc,” he pulled his friend into the room, “here to make sure I don’t pace myself into the floor?”

    “That’s the plan, Doc,” a toothy smile was flashed at his schoolmate, “damn, your office is a fucking /mess/.” (Name) looked at his desk covered in scattered papers, empty express coffee cups, a knocked over cup of pencils and pens-- (Name) went a little wild this morning, “why are you shoeless?”

    “I don’t want to worry anyone with the sounds of my shoes pacing on the hard floors, so I took them off to pace in silence.”

    “Oh my god, you’re actually fucking crazy Doc,” (Name) sighed, “I love you, remember that (Name).”

    “Thanks Sammy,” (Name) messed with his hair, sitting against his desk, “I can’t remember when I had more than four hours of sleep.”

    “You wanna postpone this then? I don’t think Buck would mind--”

    “No! I mean, sorry, inside voices,” (Name) sighed again, “Mr Barnes is probably just as nervous as me, I could imagine more. I don’t want to make his worrying worse if I stall this meeting.”

    “You need to learn to be a little bit more selfish, but I get it.”

    “My biggest flaw,” (Name) shrugged as looked at the clock, “I hope I don’t scare him.”

    “You? Scare /him/? You’re like the human equivalent of a marshmallow.” Sam was glared at, “it’s true! You won’t even yell at Pepi when she bites you!”

    “Yeah! Well, it’s because she doesn’t ever do wrong in her life! She’s perfect,” Pepi looked up at Sam when she heard her name, chirping for attention.  
     
    Sam crouched down to scratch under her chin, “when we were in school, I never thought how life would take us after getting our diplomas. I still remember you ducktaping Angus Redding like a mummy to the school mascot’s statue because he cheated on your sister. God, how the hell you got him that high off the ground and still ducktaped him is still an AMC mystery,” the two laughed at the memory, “now here I am, a fucking Avenger fighting aliens and murder-robots, and you’re basically the therapist of the Avengers treating us basketcases like we’re not fighting aliens and murder-robots.”

    “You sure have a way with words, Falc,” (Name) shook his head, “never knew where we’d end up, but I think we have it good. I regret a lot of things, but one of them isn’t meeting your stupid ass in that library nearly ten years ago. Sure, we got kicked out of the library because we were being too rowdy, but damn, watching you grow up from Sam Wilson to The Falcon was fucking miraculous.”

    “Look at us, thinking back and reminiscing like old people,” Sam laughed.

    “Oh my god, we are so /old/.”

    “You’re older Doc.”

    “Oh wither up and die.”

    The two old friends laughed, melting any tension in the room away. (Name) sagged against his desk, fixing his hair in the reflection of his diploma hanging on the wall. His <h/c> locks have seen better days for sure, twisted into small little ‘devil horns’ as he would call them, pulling out a small desk mirror from his drawers to fix his appearance.

    “I’m gonna go see what’s taking them so long, alright?” (Name) nodded, watching his friend leave the room, keeping his door open by a crack.

    (Name) felt nervous again, making sure he looked presentable for Sergeant Barnes, hoping he didn’t look as washed up as he felt. He started to organize his desk, hiding the Winter Soldier file from sight and setting the floorplan of Royal Ridge Apartments, all the information pamphlets he’s created over the years sitting next to it. Sitting down at his desk, Pepi carefully stepped around the papers, lying down like a bread loaf next to her owner. (Name) listened for the chatter of Sam, hearing nothing but the normal ambience of the hospital. Checking his phone next, he worried about if Barnes was struggling with the atmosphere of the hospital, with the noises of the machines being too overbearing for him. (Name) was fortunate to have his office closer to the ground floor, but any hospital you go to is noisy no matter the time of day. Sure, it was a little later in the day, nearly time for dinner for most of the patients and even some staff members, but there was still a decent amount of traffic in the hallways.

    (Name)’s worries were abandoned by the loud laughter of Sam, hearing him address Tony. (Name)’s heart thumped wildly, twisting and popping his knuckles again. Pepi licked her owner’s hands, playing with his fingers like they were a feather toy, being gentle with her claws. Grounding himself, (Name) forced himself to release the tension in his jaw, watching the shadows of four people stretch on the ground near his opened door, watching Sam poke his head in. Nodding to his friend, he stood up from his desk, watching Sam enter with three other people, his eyes immediately going for Barnes’. The lock of eye contact made him dizzy, thanking the lord that they couldn’t see the slight shake in his knees as he cleared his throat. Sam must’ve sensed his nerves, because he was right next to him, arm slung around his shoulders.

    “T’Challa, Tony, Bucky; this is (Name). We went to Albany Medical College together; this guy is one of the most important people in my life.”

    “I would say the same, Sam, but Pepi has that title,” (Name) found himself joking, Pepi walking over when she heard her name.

    “What? After I told my friends all that good shit about you you’re gonna leave me hanging like this?!” Sam cried out.

    “If Clint knew I was replacing him with you, I’d never hear the end of it,” Sam laughed, “ignore him now, it’s such an honor to finally meet you, Sergeant Barnes. I’m not sure how you are with physical contact, but if I may I would love to shake your hand,” (Name0 offered a handshake, Bucky looking a little confused at the gesture. A small nod from Sam let Bucky confirm his action, shaking (Name)’s hand gently. The warmth of (Name)’s hand against Bucky’s was comforting to Bucky, grounding him a little about the fact that this was really happening and this wasn’t some sick trick by HYDRA. Bucky watched as he introduced himself to the other two in the room as his flesh hand tingled with the sensation, “Mr Barnes, is there any particular way you would like me to address you as?” He was at a lost of words for a while-- everyone assumed that he was just ‘Bucky’. No one’s asked him what he was preferred to go by.

    “Can you call me James?” He wasn’t sure why he asked that, but it felt natural to him.

    “Of course. You can call me (Name)-- no need for ‘Doctor’ or anything. How are you feeling today, James?”

    “Can I answer honestly?”

    “I would prefer that,” Bucky-- James looked at (Name), reading their body language.

    “I’m very nervous,” James finally said.

    “Would it help to hear that I am too?” (Name) said, looking at James, “I’m very bad at meeting new people for the first time.”

    “Me too…” James trailed off, looking down at the cat that was standing at (Name)’s feet, trying to climb up her owner’s leg. (Name)’s eyes followed where James was looking, looking at Pepi.

    “This is my Emotional Support Animal, Pepi. She’s six years old, and she was born hairless.” (Name) introduced his needy feline, picking her up and holding her gently, “are you allergic to cats?”

    “No. I didn’t mean to stare, sorry,” James apologized, watching how Pepi nuzzled her head into (Name)’s chin.

    “It’s not everyday you see a hairless cat in a hospital. I find no offense in it. Did you want to pet her then?”

    “I don’t want to hurt her…” James muttered in the tiniest of voices, though due to years of working as a therapist, (Name)’s trained his ears to pick up the small voices.

    “If I thought you’d hurt her, I wouldn’t’ve offered. I’m not here to force anything onto you,” James watched as Pepi gave a sleepy cat smile at him. Nodding slowly, (Name) made very gentle strides to James, still holding the cat. Her bright blue eyes were focused on Bucky, chirping and stretching a paw out for him, (Name) readjusting his hold on her to prevent her from reaching out. With a very shaky hand, James let his hand hover over Pepi’s head, watching her sniff him curiously, before rubbing her entire head on his hand. Bucky went silent with a small gasp, seeing in his peripherals that (Name) was holding his breath. The tension was released as Bucky gently rub his index finger on Pepi’s forehead, the purring growing louder.

    “For looking like a shriveled up alien, she’s kinda cute…”

    “She was raised with an Emotional Support dog, so she picked up the skills, or so they say. She’s able to tell when I’m about to have a meltdown and stop me from hurting myself..” (Name) mumbled, though he knew James could hear him, “I’d be dead without her…” his voice was even quieter, though James could still hear.


	2. Realizations

 

_Will not include: **Infinity War**_

_Will include: **Avengers, Captain America: Civil War, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron** **,** Non-canon details/headcanons_

_Fandom - **MCU / Captain America**_

**_Captain America © Marvel Entertainment / The Walt Disney Company_ **

* * *

 

 

        After careful, deliberate planning, the gang had finally come up with the new home for James ‘Bucky’ Barnes. It was close to the top floor, but it wasn’t necessarily close to the rooftop, with the floor he was living on the same one as (Name)’s, though (Name)’s apartment was at the opposite side and end of the hallway. Tony offered to take them to Royal Ridge, but James timidly rejected the offer, asking if (Name) would take him so he could get more comfortable being around him. James was surprised by his enthusiasm, watching his eyes light up as he silently nodded his head. They stuck around to chat a little longer, but the four noticed the exhaustion in the doctor’s eyes, slowly wrapping up their get-together. (Name) had everything collected up by the time T’Challa and James officially said goodbye to one another, promises of reuniting in the air. Pepi annoyed Tony and his shoelaces, Sam and T’Challa laughing at his misfortune as James watched everything like a eagle.

    James noticed how despite his best friend being in the room, (Name) acted like he was the odd man out and not the actual ex-assassin, watching him glance once at the laughing animal-related superheroes like a kicked dog, not a sound coming from him. James wondered why he suddenly dropped in mood, the two locking eyes for a split second. Bucky could easily recognize the sadness and exhaustion in his eyes. He even tried to smile, trying to hide that he was about to drop at any second. Pepi noticed something wrong, chirping and meowing at her owner for attention, standing on her hind legs and stretching her paws at (Name). Smiling, he lifted her up and hugged his feline, listening to her purr as she shut her eyes.

    “Alright, we’ll get out of your hair. Pepi wants her naps,” Sam chimed, “she wants her Tummy Time.”

    “What’s Tummy Time?” Tony asked, looking at the cat.

    “It’s a sacred ritual, you don’t get to know.” Sam hissed.

    “Thank you for this, Dr (Last Name). It was wonderful meeting you. Please, do take good care of Bucky for us-- my sister has a love for our White Wolf,” T’Challa and (Name) shook hands again.

    “T’Challa, my King, I will make sure James has the best care I can give him. Tell your sister that if she ever wants to visit, just make arrangements with James accordingly. I welcome all visitors,” the genuine smile between T’Challa and (Name) brought a warm feeling to James’ chest. T’Challa looked at Bucky, the two giving the signature Wakandan salute without communication, the two Avengers and King leaving the room after final goodbyes.

    James watched, while holding Pepi, (Name) was able to lift his shoulder-strap bag with his foot, juggle it, and catch it in his other hand without waking up Pepi. James was about to ask if he needed help, his own load being light with the Wakandan-made knapsack on his shoulder being the only possession he had to carry. The back of the bag unzipped to reveal two shoulder straps, putting on his own rucksack and kissing Pepi on the forehead, a small chirp of affection following.

    “Are you ready? I have noise-cancellation headphones in my pack if the hospital’s noises are too much,” (Name) spoke quietly when he noticed James’ lost expression.

    “I think so. The noises aren’t that bad,” James said, looking at his boots. James’ eyes trailed to the harness being carefully draped over his sleeping cat, an umbrella now in the doctor’s hand.

    The two left the hospital wordlessly, (Name)’s coworkers cooing at the sleeping celebrity in his arms. The young nursing intern took a photo of the two, (Name) chastising him silently, asking him to send the photo to him and not show anyone. It surprised the staff member, but he listened anyway. James kept his distance close yet far from (Name), not wanting to startle him, but didn’t want to seem afraid of him. Taking the back exit to the staff’s car park, (Name) opened his umbrella for himself, Bucky about to walk out in the rain when he felt dry Looking back, he saw the strained arm and startled look in (Name)’s eyes as he tripped trying to keep James dry. Surging back, he caught (Name) by his Vibranium arm without thinking, the plates flexing to his movement. James’ mind lit up with the fact that (Name)’s jacket was soft due to the technology built into his prosthetic hand. Pepi stirred, chirping with a confused look in her eyes as she yawned. James started to apologize, asking if he hurt (Name) with his synthetic arm’s grip, seeing no mark on his arms. Pepi licked the thumb of his prosthetic hand, James startled by the sensors translating the pressure and texture of her cat tongue to his brain, bristling away from the contact. (Name) yelled at him to watch out, tripping over an uneven pathstone. (Name) reacted this time, catching James’ hand without thought, trying to pull James back up, but with the Super Soldier Serum and its effect on James bodyweight and muscle density, (Name) ended up being dragged with him. Yelping, Pepi was practically tossed to safety on some soft wood chips, landing on her feet and watching her owner and new friend land in the deep puddle formed by the uneven pathstones. James had a better reaction time, curling around (Name) and making sure the other doesn't hit the water and isn’t crushed by his own body weight. Landing on James’ chest, (Name) and James simultaneously froze, both of them soaked to the bone. Bucky’s long bunned hair slipped out of its hairband, swimming in the water as (Name)’s hair flattened to his head. The two spluttered like they just drowned, spitting the gross NY street water out of their mouths.

    “I am so sorry, I shoulda warned you that the ground is uneven-- are you ok? You aren’t hurt, are you?” He spat out, watching James sit up.

    “I’m fine. ‘S my fault you’re wet. Not used to the arm,” Bucky mumbled, his synthetic pinky being dipped into the water, doing this a few times to test that yes, it is cold and wet. It isn’t a bad cold and wet, but familiar. James watched as (Name) checked his bag contents, seeing they were dry.

    “God, I ruined your clothes. I have clothes in my Jeep you can borrow until we make it to the apartments. I don’t want you to wear wet clothing the entire drive.” Pepi was hiding under the umbrella stuck in the bush, James hearing the heartbreak in his voice as he ran for his shivering cat, wrapping her in the scarf he left in his bag and zipping it up just enough where she was comfy and breathing, kissing her, “OK, James, we need to uh, get you not-wet. I forget the word for not-wet. We need to get to Royal Ridge, get you settled. Need to get Pepi warm. Need to get you warm. Car is up ahead not to far thank god, do you need a hair tie I have some in my car. You didn’t hurt yourself did you? I didn’t hurt you?”

    “I’m fine. Back in the rainy season of Wakanda I used to fall in the mud a lot. This is a lot cleaner than that…”

    “James, I am so sorry, this is so unprofessional. Please, let’s get to the car so I could at least get you warmed up,” James nodded, (Name) holding the umbrella over the two of them this time, walking side-by-side as (Name) looked at Bucky’s face and hands often for any obvious damage. James was doing the same, the two of them being obvious as two idiots as they finally made it to the dark grey Jeep.

     (Name) had already started his car with the push-start fob on his keys, the door unlocked as his bag was set in the backseat this time, opening the trunk and using it for cover as (Name) threw the wet umbrella onto the pavement, applying light pressure with his shoes to keep it from blowing away. Pulling a bag towards him, there was a plethora of clothing inside, (Name) instantly able to sort the clothing by size to find something to fit the <wider/smaller> frame of James, stripping out of his wet coat. James found himself insecure jjust before pulling off his Wakandan shirt, looking at (Name) with a lost expression. Immediately understanding like he was a mind reader, (Name) was tending to Pepi, hearing her cries as he soothed her whilst drying her.

    Dressing as quickly as he could in his new shirt, it was warm against his skin, watching Pepi try to climb over the back seat and into the trunk. (Name)’s arms were too far from the feline, watching him curse and try to grab any part of her. James found himself reaching out to Pepi, pushing her back by her chest with the most gentle push, a tiny ‘mrow’ of defiance cried out as (Name) grabbed his naked cat child. Trying to find his voice, the next time he saw (Name) he was already in a different shirt and windbreaker, handing James a large burgundy tweed coat.

    “Do you want something to change into bottoms-wise? I have some sweats in the bag, but I don’t want to force anything onto you,” (Name) asked, a caring look in his eyes.

    “I think I’ll be good… thank you again…” James muttered, watching (Name) nod. Out of habit, James made his way to the passenger’s seat, seeing a sad Pepi in a synthetic fur coat, surrounded by the doctor’s wet clothing. James found himself laughing, his hand gravitating to give a scratch to under Pepi’s chin. “I see why you were trying to run away from him…” (Name) heard, unknown to James, climbing into the driver’s seat and turning up the heat to high. James climbed into the passenger’s side, suddenly looking at (Name) as a way to ask ‘is this ok?’

    “You can sit there-- Pepi, no.” (Name) shooed the tiny cat paw on James’ chair, “no, Pepi, don’t,” she lifted her paw, setting it down in the same place, challenging her owner, “Pepi…”

    Lifting his arm up, Pepi eagerly jumped into James’ lap, chirping as she did so. Giving the cat some more attention, she rubbed her body against both his prosthetic and his flesh arm. Muttering sweet things to her in Russian without thinking, the cat stood on her hind legs and gave the most gentle kiss to James’ mouth, a happy but silent noise coming from (Name). James looked over to see the doctor completely surprised and out of his element.

    “I… Uh… Pepi… Pepi only does that to me… She doesn’t give her kisses to anybody else, no matter how hard you try,” hearing the word ‘kisses’, Pepi walked over and mimicked her earlier action, (Name) giving a small ‘muah’ noise back.

    With Pepi sitting back on James’ lap, (Name) decided it was best to finally drive away from his job before they got sick. James stared at Pepi, the gentle patter of rain on the car’s roof was keeping James from going crazy and thinking everything he was experiencing was a lie. Watching (Name)’s hand gravitate from his steering wheel to the back of James’ seat, immediately back to the steering wheel and switching the gear, using his camera in the dashboard to back out of his reserved spot, pulling onto the main road. James looked out of the window, watching how curious Pepi was as she sniffed around, staring at the roads and the lights reflections. (Name) was silent the first chunk of their drive, not wanting to disturb James.

    “How many people live in this building?” James found himself asking.

    “Right now, seven. They live closer to the bottom floor though, and they keep to themselves. They work mostly during the day.” (Name) said, casting a quick look to James in the corner of his eye, “they won’t bother you. They might try to talk to you at the mailboxes, but they /hopefully/ won’t be annoying you…” (Name) said the rest of his sentence rather quietly, “might have to worry about Jackson though…”

    “Whose he?” James asked, looking at (Name).

    “He’s a younger tenant-- he’s 20. Real reckless and childish. He likes to do stupid jokes and scare people. I want to warn you because he does like to touch people’s shoulders and scare them, and I don’t want him to annoy you and bother you. I’ve told him to stop pranking the tenants, but he doesn’t really listen like the kid that he is…” (Name) sighed.

    “Does he bother you…?” (Name) looked at James with a little bit of surprise.

    “Yeah…” (Name) sighed, turning down a long street and leaving the main metropolis of Brooklyn, traveling to the suburbs. James looked around at the streetlights, watching kids playing with the puddles and squirt guns. Water was shot at (Name)’s window, starling James only some. His fear went away once hearing (Name)’s laughter, telling the kids to be careful as they drove carefully, pulling into one last street.

    James was surprised at how out of the way the apartment complex was. Just the location itself rang a bell inside his head, looking at the towering building. Pulling into the car park, he parked in the reserved spot with his name on the sign, Pepi clawing at the window to get out. (Name) yawned as he killed the engine, mumbling how he was glad it was only drizzling now. Getting out of the car again, he grabbed his bag, opening the door for his guest. James nodded silently, watching Pepi jump out of his lap and onto the wet pavement, running to the awning to prevent from getting wet. Meowing for her owner, while (Name) was collecting up his wet clothing James decided to grab (Name)’s bag carefully to prevent it from opening and spilling. Zipping it up, (Name) was about to interject with a startled look.

    “I want to help… Is that OK? I don’t want to be useless…”

    “James. I never want to hear that you’re useless. You are far from it. Everyone has a place in this world, it’s just not obvious. I don’t believe anyone can be ‘useless’,” (Name) looked at James with a look the super soldier describes as ‘aggressively passionate’. (Name) sighed, “I didn’t mean to be so aggressive… I just wanted to assure you that you’re not useless James.” (Name) looked at James, a heat spreading through his chest under his intense but kind words. (Name) seemed to withdraw into himself, lifting up Pepi and guiding James inside the building.

    Pepi jumped out of his arms once they got into the building, (Name) greeting someone as they were walking into the elevator. James started to look around the instant they stepped foot into the door, looking for any bugged cameras or even hidden microphones. The doctor said nothing about it, watching him look around, waiting until he was fully satisfied before speaking.

    “Everything cool?”

    “Yeah…” James muttered, looking at (Name) as he hid a yawn.

    “Do you want to take the lift to our floor, or would you like to take the stairs?” (Name) asked, watching Pepi sniff an Kimberly Queen fern in the lobby, rubbing her teeth against them.

    “The lift is fine,” (Name) called for Pepi, gently tapping the elevator button as he adjusted the wet clothes in his arms, “are you sure you want to carry my bag? I can take it off your hands.”

    “It weighs as much as Pepi probably,” James said, (Name) looking unconvinced as there were two thick accordion folders in that bag, along with a laptop and some of his patients files.

    “You are aware Pepi only weighs about three pounds?”

    James used (Name)’s bag like a dumbbell to test its weight, “not that heavy to me,” he shrugged, letting (Name) get inside the open elevator when it finally made it to the right floor.

    Smacking the right floor button, (Name) started to talk about the common etiquette and quirks of the other tenants, Bucky nodding the entire time. (Name) talked animatedly, talking with his entire body while Pepi sat on his shoes. At some point (Name) had pulled out a set of keys with a keycard attacked via cardholder keychain for James, telling him about the keypad/RFID locks they have in the apartments. Once they reached the correct floor, (Name) escorted James to his room door, leaning against the wall and hiding another yawn.

    “We can set up a numerical seven-digit pin to your smartlock, plus you can use your keycard and simply tap it on the small screen to unlock it--” he interrupted himself with a yawn, “do you remember where my room is?”

    “Yes, other end of the hallway, opposite wall from mine,” (Name) nodded.

    “I have three days off tomorrow and the next, so if you want to make a trip to Shop-Rite,, Walmart, IKEA, whatever, you can ask me and I won’t be bothered to bring you. There’s also the bus--” another yawn, Pepi dragging her paw down James’ door to be let in, “and Uber/Lyft/whatever.”

    “Can I see your phone?” (Name) didn’t think twice to hand it over, the screen already unlocked. James’ communication bead glowed as he pressed it against his phone screen, handing back the phone as James used his beads to send a message to (Name)’s phone. Looking down at his phone, he was blown away by how all of a sudden James’ contact information was in his phone.

    “cool….” (Name) muttered, stifling another yawn.

    “Thank you, (Name), for everything.”

    “It’s no trouble—“

    “It is trouble. I’m sure you know about what I’ve done. You trust me that much to let me into your life like this. I’m sure you weren’t as hands on with your other tenants like you are with me. You’re obviously tired, yet you keep helping me.” Making eye contact with (Name), James didn’t look at the smart lock as he unlocked it with the tap of his keycard, opening the door and listening to Pepi run in. A groan came from (Name), though the <e/c> eyes couldn’t pull away from the baby blues James was blessed with.

    “Pepi ran inside…” James turned to see Pepi walking inside the room, seeming confused by the decor.

    “I would invite you inside, but I think you should head to your apartment for the night. You can’t stand right.” James was finding his voice.

    “Pepi!” (Name) called, watching her not move, “fucker,” it was surprising to hear such a genuine swear from him, watching him carefully creep inside and pick up the now-screaming cat. Holding his feline in his arms, she rested her cheek on her owner’s arm, “I have to make a trip to the store tomorrow if you want to come with me. I’ll be doing some standard shopping; groceries and whatnot. I’ll get your answer tomorrow. I hope you sleep well,” (Name) smiled, hiding another yawn, “if for some reason you have problems with anything in the room or you just need someone to talk to you, you can always contact me.”

    At first James just nodded because he lost his words, watching (Name) turn heel and try to leave. He felt his heart pound as he tried to work up his courage, muttering out a small 'wait!'-- “I want to thank you for everything. Not many people would offer another chance of life to a brainwashed ex-... ex-assassin. Every new person that comes into my life treats me like I’m not some fucked up science experiment, but you’re different. Out of everyone that’s come into my life recently, you treat me more like a human than the others. You trusted me inside that hospital without a tick, you trusted me after we fell in the parking lot, as if trauma to the head doesn’t rewire the brain. I could’ve remembered the soldier-- you were more worried about my personal safety than that… You trusted me enough to sit next to you in a moving car after hearing probably fifty times about the time I ripped out Sam Wilson’s steering wheel while he was driving said car,” (Name) laughed, muttering ‘try a hundred times’, “I, uh, yeah. I’m not used to all this kindness between Wilson, Steve, T’Challa, and even Tony. You’re this entirely new and raw and powerful force. It’s uh… It’s really good. I really like you. **IT**. I really like… it…” James’ face was redder than a chili pepper by the time he finished his declaration, playing with the beads on his wrist.

    (Name) looked like he was about to cry, making James worry if he said too much, “James… I… You / _are_ / human. Just because of your previous life doesn’t make you any less human to me. You deserve everything that’s been given to you from after what / _They_ / did to you. I fully and wholeheartedly believe you deserve a life without being a soldier--” the two were interrupted by someone leaving their apartment wearing striped boxers with a toothbrush in his mouth. (Name) apologized to James, turning to the half-naked man.

    “Mr Koos, you’re sleepwalking again. Mathew.” (Name) spoke, “Mathew, let’s go back to bed, “ (Name) muttered another apology to James, setting down Pepi and opening the door to Mathew’s apartment, guiding him back inside.

    James watched Pepi attempt to follow her owner, but she decided staying with Bucky was better, chirping as she rubbed against James’ still-wet pants. Meowing for attention, James decided to give the cat more attention, betraying his trust as he darted in between his legs again and back into his apartment. Sighing, James walked into his room for the first time now, seeing how it was already decently furnished. The kitchen had some really nice Kitchen-aid appliances, seeing a knife block on the counter, but still in the original box. James took note of it, appreciative that there were no open knives ready to be grabbed. Walking past the kitchen, the sitting room was nicely decorated with tasteful Homegoods art on the wall, making the room seem less empty. There was a nice TV mounted to the wall, reading ‘Stark’ all over it. Finally making it to the bedroom, Pepi was  already sleeping between the pillow and the duvet next to a decently sized box on the bed. James approached the box with his name in a familiar handwriting, giving the slumbering cat a small scratch on the head. Opening it up carefully, he saw a spiral-bound notebook of sorts, a manila clasp envelope with some strange bulges, a brand new notebook with the plastic still on it (price tag marked out) and some snacks. Looking at a package of the snacks, the name on the package seemed familiar, but set it back down. Opening the manila folder, he pulled out a note addressed to him by ‘Bucky’, a leather wallet, and a thick stack of cash.

####              _Bucky,_

####  _Sadly I can’t be there in your first days back in New York. SHIELD’s got me doing some stuff. I got help from the building owner (Name) and Sam to help me set this up. Of course, the money should be self-explanatory. I don’t know if the Wakandan King set up your own bank account or not, but I thought to give you some of my Avenger money to help you out with getting groceries, furniture, whatever you want. Next, the snacks are some that you used to really like back in Brooklyn. It was hard to get these so I hope you still like them. I gave you one of my old sketchbooks as well, hoping maybe seeing the drawings will help your memory some. It helped with my memories, and there are a few pages in here that you did. Lastly is a notebook for you-- use it however._

####  _I’ll visit you next week. It’s good to have you back Buck._

    The letter was signed with Steve’s signature, that familiar to James. Smiling at what he wrote, he set the contents of the box under the bed so Pepi couldn’t climb in, having to keep her from jumping in the entire time he read the letter.

    James sat down on the bed, feeling it resist his weight, testing the softness and firmness of the mattress with his hand. It was a nice mattress he concluded, liking how nicely the bedsheets and comforter were made. He looked around the room, seeing a chest of drawers against the left wall near a window, watching Pepi walk into the closet, meowing and having it echo because of how it was empty. James only had a few sets of clothes, so he might need to take up (Name)’s offer on going to a store here soon.

    “James? Are you asleep?” The soft voice of (Name) carried throughout the entire apartment, the jingle of Pepi’s bell heard from the closet.

    “No.” he simply answered, watching (Name) appear without his shoes on, “hi.”

    “Hi,” (Name) said in a lethargic and genuine voice, that same heat returning to his chest, “Is the decor OK? I haven’t ever taken an interior design class, so I did what I could studying how sample rooms looked in IKEA's and online forums. Is it too much? Mr Stark supplied a lot of the decor and wouldn’t let me help buy anything… I have never been so stressed to shop with someone oh my god. He said you deserve the best… Steve left a package for you, did you get it?” James looked at the tired man, dragging a hand against the standing plant in the room.

     At that minute, James realized how incredibly beautiful this man’s heart was and how he put everything into helping James be comfortable in his new home. He gently rubbed the fern’s leaves, looking at him with a certain fear that wasn’t directed towards James. This man in front of him; looking like the Winter Soldier himself with his black bags that looked awfully like the face makeup James saw photos of, being circled by the now-coatless cat that tried to get her owners attention as he wore the same expression a caring mother would, twisting his fingers and cracking them, made him realize that /this/ is the definition of what life would’ve been like after the war. What it would be like to be cared about on a personal level domestically.

     James didn’t exactly remember what it felt like to be in love, but the emotions and the warm feelings in his chest that he’s felt all day would be his best guess on how it must feels.

_James was in love with this man._

|||||

    When James woke up the next morning, it was unusual to not hear the goats. He was greeted by some distant music down the hall, songbirds outside his window, and even the laughter of children. Pulling himself out of his bed, his back cracked as he stretched, checking the time to see 10:12AM on the wall. He’s never woken up so late in the morning, wondering if this was a good or bad sign. Getting fully out of bed, James walked over to where the kitchen was, wondering what (Name) and Stark had in store for him. The cupboards had a standard set of glass and plastic dishes, a decent amount of cutlery, a set of pots and pans, a coffee maker with no instructions, and an electric kettle. The cabinet near the two appliances had several types of coffee and teas. The fridge has a filled Brita pitcher along with the basics like eggs and milk, though there were at least three different types of the two, along with not one, but four different loaves of bread. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed the water and poured himself a glass, further exploring his new home.

    The sitting room has a DVR/VCR/DVD— James wasn’t too sure on what it was. There were some movies in a standing bookcase, magazines as well on the coffee table. There were small paw prints of dried mud on the glass surface, James looking at it and dragging his finger across one and watching it flake off. His Kimoyo beads flashed, checking the communication bead to see a message from Shuri, asking how he was doing. Sending a reply to her, he attempted to brew some coffee, not understanding why there were pods and loose powder. Lifting up the part with the Keurig logo, he saw a spot for the pod things, finding one that sounded like normal fucking coffee and pressed the pod inside, closing it.

    He did this for five minutes, determined to figure it out.

    No matter what buttons he pushed, how much water he put in the tank, or how much coffee or pods he used, he still couldn’t figure out the fucking machine. His mind immediately thought of asking (Name) for help, thinking that it was silly to ask and the left side of his brain to shut up. He fought with himself for a while, finally coming to terms that he needed his coffee. Texting him on his beads, he felt defeated as he glared at the cursed machine, hating how it was able to defeat him. Checking the new message he got, James had enough time to shower, washing his hair thoroughly before dressing in clothes similar to what he wore last night, reminding him that he needed to go to the Salvation Army or something to get new clothes.

    A meow caused Bucky to halt his aimless pacing around, pulling himself towards the door and opening it to the yawning (Name). James smiled as the other was busy trying to get Pepi away from a plastic bottle cap on the ground. Pepi must’ve known James’ door was open, running down the hall, trying to get into his apartment. Too bad he was faster, catching her in his arms as the cat seemed confused, staying still.

    “Pepi / _what the fuck are you on_ /?” (Name) huffed, holding the ESA harness she slipped out of, “good morning James! How was last night?”

    “Good. I want coffee. I can’t figure it out…”

    “I told him to leave the instructions…” (Name) sighed, “Sam helped me with getting everything set up.”

    “That makes sense actually.” James hummed, realizing that he never actually invited the other inside, “oh, um, sorry, you can come in,” Pepi was purring in his arms, watching her owner walk into the apartment, the door closing behind (Name) as he smiled at his work.

    “I think this is the first time I’ve been inside this apartment since Tuesday,” (Name) said, James looking at the calendar and seeing it was Saturday. He did some quick mental math.

    “It took you three days to get all of this done?” James asked in amazement, wondering how someone so busy could’ve set everything up.

    “I had a few friends help out. Used JT here and there. I like getting things done quickly.” (Name) said, looking at what James had done to the Keurig, “you want a pot or just one cup?”

    “I just want caffeine,” (Name) nodded, setting everything up again, throwing out the ruined k-cup. Calling James over, he went through how to brew everything, hitting brew and watching exactly what happened to James earlier-- nothing. Scratching his head, he tried it a few more times, checking the outlets and the plugs. Cocking his head, he tapped his foot on the ground, Pepi rubbing against James’ jawline.

    “Did I break it?” James was worried, hoping he didn’t ruin all the work he’s done.

    “I think this is a defective unit in general.... I have heard that some of these 2.0’s have been a little weird. Mine didn’t work at first either. I’m real sorry I should’ve tested these before setting them out--”

    “It’s OK. Don’t worry about it. I don’t need coffee that badly. Don’t be upset please…” James muttered the last part.

    “I’m not upset because we bought a faulty coffee maker from Walmart. I still have the receipt so we can just get a new one. Do you want to use mine? We can always go out for coffee if you want.”

    “Do you mind if we go out? I realized that I need some more clothes…” Bucky muttered.

    “I don’t mind! I offered you the choice.” (Name) smiled, smacking the side of the Keurig aggressively before giving up completely “I’ll just get it exchanged, that’s all. I go to this small cafe all the time, it’s near the hospital. It’s a little out of there, so our best bet would honestly be a…” (Name) sighed, “Starbucks…”

    “I’ve heard of that place before. Sam told me about it. I heard it’s always busy…”

    “Yeah. Maybe we can get it from somewhere else… we’ll figure it out!” A happy smile radiated from (Name), James nodding as Pepi struggled to be let down. (Name) watched how startled James looked, setting her down gently, making sure all four paws were on the ground before letting her go, “you can just drop cats, they’ll find their way down.”

    “I don’t want to hurt her. She’s too tiny…” James looked at the cat in question, watching her walk around aimlessly, jumping onto the coffee table and swatting off a magazine. A stern ‘Pepi’ was sent to the devious feline as she sat still like a regal statue. Pointing at the magazine, James watched her pick it up with her teeth, dropping it on the table.

    “You won’t hurt her, she grew up with a service dog three times her size. She’s sturdy. Let’s go, shall we?”

|||||

    James was proud to say that he had an amazing day traveling around Brooklyn and the adjacent area. Him and (Name) first went to satellite James’ need for caffeine at Starbucks, the environment being less than ideal for him. He trusted (Name) and his intuition. He wasn’t much use in the coffee-shop, hovering behind (Name) as he ordered and claimed their drinks. James didn’t understand h=why the sizes of the cups couldn’t be ‘small-medium-large-extra large’. There were words on the menu that James couldn’t comprehend, watching (Name) elegantly and flawlessly told the barista what he wanted, the two hanging around at the pickup counter for their drinks. James appreciated the light jokes and Pepi trying to console him the entire time as he felt like a tight package of nerves, learning into (Name) and the naked cat the entire time.

    They next went to the thrift store nearby, since it would be less crowded and rowdy than shopping at Walmart or a clothing store. James seemed to appreciate that fact, feeling a bit more comfortable in the thrift shop than the Starbucks. There were some great prices, often asking timid questions about if something was nice or if it would look good on him, never feeling so out of his body than in that store. Sure, the Starbucks was terrible, but this was going to be someone’s first expression of James since he changed his life around. (Name), at one point, peppered James with genuine compliments when James muttered how he wasn’t good enough for these clothes. Once (Name) helped James pay and carry everything to the car, they took a rest by eating at a Japanese sushi bar, the _itamae_ being very friendly to (Name) and James, talking to (Name) in a kind, friendly manner.

    Lastly, they went to Shop-Rite because there was no way James can live off of bread and eggs. When he was looking at the deli, he had a sudden memory return to him in the form of a powerful force, accidentally knocking into (Name), though caught him in his arms. They were frozen in place, their hearts syncing in a loud and fast thrum. James quickly spat out how he remembered how he used to like cooking meals, watching (Name) write it on his own arm because he didn’t have his notebook on them. They finished food shopping rather easily.

     James felt like he was taking (Name)’s kindness to granted, from him explaining the entirety of the weird coffee laws of Starbucks, ordering said coffee, and then going out of his way to take him to this small thrift shop to keep him from imploding in public. (Name) was cracking jokes the entire time, making James comfortable, reminding him of his new revelation late last night with the warm ears and bubbling laughter in his ribcage. James found himself as comfortable with (Name) like he was with Shuri, finding a certain element of home in them. Despite being in public, James didn’t feel like he had to hide behind a hat or in someone’s shadow, not being afraid to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with (Name).

    Watching him talk about Sam when they were irresponsible kids in university was charming, telling stories of them partying and the late-night studying sessions they have in (Name)’s dorm. He learned that (Name) loves to travel, visiting at least twelve different countries in the last fifteen years. He even learned a few things about (Name); how he qualifies for the veterans discounts they have every Saturday, feeling foolish that he didn’t put those points together with the man’s incredible passion to help every person he crosses paths with. He also learned that (Name) grew up with four sisters and was actually from a set of twins.

    _“I can feel the pain in your soul, and the only one to help mend the wounds is closer than you think. You don’t need to do much searching, just keep your arms wide and they’ll find their way to them.”_

    James was hanging up his new clothes while replaying the conversation he had with the elderly lady in his head. Just remembering the lady sent this cold chill up and down his spine, having thirty questions for her but never got to ask them with the frog in his throat preventing him from saying anything. Sighing, he put away the rest of everything that he got today, sitting on his sofa silently. He was a little tired from all the walking and interactions, but (Name) was definitely worse with his shaking hands and lethargic episodes of him disassociating several times during their trip. He sent the man a quick message, thanking him for taking him around Brooklyn. He got a chirpy message back, smiling as he read the message in (Name)’s voice, the warmth making itself known in his chest yet again.


	3. Sibli-venture

    Creeping into the room, watching the slumbering man on the sofa, vulnerable, easy to take out. They wondered about who would be affected with this death, balancing the pros and the cons. Sure, that new guy was cool with this man, but he needs to pay for his sins. He /must/ pay. The new guy would get over his loss-- he wouldn’t be missed for much. This man has been getting away with too much for too long, and he needed to be stopped before it got out of hand. No one was bold enough to stop them, so it came down to this moment. This needed to be done, for the greater good. Readying their attack, they calculated the best way to execute their kill, charging for them.

    “For / _fucks_ / sake Pepi! Let me sleep!”

    (Name) screamed as Pepi jumped onto his stomach, screaming loudly in his face. She was hungry, and thus demanded to eat. Making the adult get up, Pepi waved between his legs as he walked, tripping her owner several times. Feeding the cat, he walked over to his coffee maker and started to brew himself a carafe from his Ninja Coffee Bar. Watching it brew impatiently, Pepi waddled over and jumped onto the counter, sitting on his cellphone. It buzzed under the cat’s weight, (Name) looking at the cat and pushing her away to see the contact name ‘Leather Lesbian’ in the screen, a woman with a buzzcut scrunching back to show twelve chins appeared on his screen. Picking it up, he smiled at the photo before accepting the call.

    “Goooooooooooooooooood morning!” The woman said on her line, “how is my baby brother doing?” The woman has the same face shape and hair colour as (Name), with a different eye colour than him.

    “We’re seven minutes apart, shut your fucking mouth,” (Name) smiled, taking a drink of his coffee once he poured it, “jus’ making the first out of twelve morning cups of coffee,” (Name) could hear another female voice in the background, “so how are you and your woman?”

    “We’re good! House hunting is a little stressful, but it’s happening. How are you and that new guy? Your dream man?”

    “Nahla please stop talking for the love of god he is /not/ my dream man,” (Name) muttered.

    “Uh, Last Sunday you texted me ‘oh wow holy shit I’m meeting Sergeant Barnes / _the_ / Sergeant Barnes, the same Sergeant James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes that I had a crush on as a child. Remember when I had a crush on Sergeant Barnes in middle school history class with Mister Jameson? Remember my really embarrassing crush on Sergeant Barnes that lasted up until high school and made me realize I was gay? / _THE_ / Sergeant Barnes that we went to see several times in the Smithsonian as a child, and make us separate from our tour-group in our last year of middle school because I was too busy looking at Sergeant Barnes…’--”

    “ **STOP TALKING! I SAID LIKE THE FIRST PART, BUT YOU’RE JUST TRYNA EMBARRASS ME NOW!** ” (Name)’s face was extremely red, hiding in his coffee as Pepi tried to console him, thinking he was having an anxiety attack.

    “You never answered~”

    “It went well…” His sister snickered.

    “Put on your camera I can hear your blush!”

    “No!”

    “Do it!”

    “NO!”

    “DO IT PUSSY!”

    The laughter of Nahla after turning on his camera for his sister was tormenting him, he knew he would hear it in his nightmares for the next several years. (Name) considered moving away where his twin could never find him, could never text him, could never call him out on his gay bullshit ever again. His own twin, whose been there for him since he was a child, who was the first person he came out to, who supported him and his career choices; fucking betraying him and his stupid childhood hormones and good taste in men.

    “Don’t kill me I love you (Name)!” Nahla laughed, “dear brother I love you.”

    “I know…” He looked at the display of his sister on his phone screen, “jus’ a little tired.”

    “So how is Barnes actually?”

    “He’s a total sweetheart. He was scared of offending me or hurting me the entire time. Pepi might love him more than teen-(Name) loved Sergeant Barnes. James was really worried about doing something wrong and I could feel my heart being ripped apart. Shopping with him at Gene’s Second Hand Shop was the toughest part of the day. He told me how he didn’t think he was worthy for a 2$ shirt. I know what James understands how little value money holds now, but he still didn’t think he deserved that shirt. I bought him that shirt by the way because if he didn’t get that shirt I would’ve cried.”

    “You’re too soft for your own good. You met the love of your life as a child and you bought him a shirt. You’re practically married now.”

    “This is why I don’t tell you anything Na…” (Name) sighed, “also that Keurig we bought for James that we got from WallyWorld doesn’t fucking work and I feel like a damn idiot… Told myself ‘oh don’t get the Ninja Coffee Bar it’s too many options! Get the 2.0 it’s easier to learn!’ Fucking idiot…”

    “You’re not an idiot. You had great intentions; you wanted to help Sarge Barnes with this whole thing the best you could, Sugar Cat. You wanna go to Walmart with me later so you can replace it?” His sister asked.

    “Yeah, I have to pick some things as well. I didn’t want to bring James to Walmart because of how busy it can be on Saturdays.” (Name) fixed his hair in the small window of his camera in the corner of his screen.

    “Just give me a good hour to get ready, and we can have lovely (Name)-Nahla bonding!!”

    “Alright, but we’re not taking your bike.” Nahla groaned.

    |||||

    Standing in the car park of Royal Ridge, (Name) had a shoulder bag on with Pepi sitting by his feet, wearing her ESA harness. He was diddling on his phone, waiting for his twin to show up so they could go to Walmart, the receipt for the broken Keurig in his pants pocket. He had already went down and talked to James about him leaving for the store to replace the broken coffee maker, having it in its original box in the trunk of his car. Tapping his foot on the ground, music played in his Airpods that Nahla gave him last Christmas. The man was standing against his car with a black hat on with a small skeleton hand doing a shaka, a buttoned flannel with primary colour lines on top of a green plaid, black jeans with his normal oxfords on from work. (Name) was reading an article about the Clash of the Avengers Battle by some shitty ass ‘reporting group’, trying to talk about how ‘Captain America and his old friend Winter Soldier are the bad guys blah blah blah’.

     The familiar rumble of a Harley was felt under his feet, looking up to see his sister donning a leather jacket, pulling into the car park and skidding to a stop in front of her brother, winking. (Name) was glad that she was here to distract him from the bullshit on his screen. He only looked at her like a disapproving mother as Pepi jumped into the sidecar.

    “Stop giving me that sour look!” He didn’t stop.

    “It’s been how many years and you still don’t listen?” (Name) asked, taking out one of his wireless EarPods, “you’re crazy.”

    “Why go in my car when we can go in your fancy future car!!” Pepi chirped and walked over to Nahla while she parked the bike.

    “You’re wild.”

    “This isn’t new news,” she climbed off her trusted Harley, lifting up Pepi and kissing her on the forehead, “how is Barnes doing?”

    “You act like I talked to him this morning…”

    “I know you did.”

    “I hate you. He’s doing fine. I think I’m too much for him.”

    “You guys aren’t even together yet you’re already breaking up.”

    “Not like that!” (Name) hissed, “I mean like, my personality. My enthusiasm. He told me once that I am a ‘powerful force’.”

    “He’s a poet… nice…” she was hit on the arm.

    “You’re insufferable,” (Name) groaned, walking away from her.

    “Hey you better wait for me baby brother!!!” Nahla chased after her brother.

    The two siblings drove to Walmart blasting terrible pop music, singing along offkey in harmony. (Name) often tried to block his sister and her recording camera, cursing at her to not post him and his ‘ugly face’. His sister often batted away the hand he was trying to use as a shield or a block to his twin’s nefarious schemes, being defeated in the end as they were already at Walmart, the entire car ride already recorded and posted somewhere on the internet. (Name) just hoped his coworkers, boss, Tony Stark, and James all don’t see his terrible karaoke skills. Leaving the car, (Name) made sure to keep Pepi’s harness on and tight enough where she won’t suffocate or play escape artist, feeding her a teriyaki treat as a sign to make sure that Pepi knows that it was work-time. Making sure his shoulder-bag had Pepi’s papers in them, (Name) lugged the Keurig under his arm with Pepi on a leash, walking into the Walmart Supercenter with Nahla.

    The two greeted the employees they were decently close to, heading to courtesy together. (Name) and Nahla scrolled through social media together while Pepi stood on (Name)’s oxfords and making sure she wouldn’t get in anyone’s way. They could only get a refund, so they stuck with that, leaving it up to (Name) to either pick up a new one or get something completely different. Walking to where the carts were, Nahla jumped into a shopping cart and demanded her younger brother to push her, (Name) rubbing her shaved <h/c> hair. He adjusted his hat before he settled his foot on the bottom bar of the cart, unbuttoning his flannel and shedding it off to show the colour block shirt he had on underneath. Fluffing it, he was using it as a warm place for Pepi to sit in child seat of the cart, wheeling around his naked cat child and his sister. They joked about nonsense in their lives, talked about (Name)’s shit romance life and Nahla’s great romantic life. Nahla asked (Name) some questions about his life currently now that his uber-mega-crush from his childhood from when he was a pubescent teen.

    “So is he as pretty in real life as he was on that Smithsonian display?” Nahla craned her head back to look at her brother, seeing his face morph into different expressions.

    “What do you think?” Red as a fire truck, (Name) looked away from his sister in embarrassment as she cackled, making (Name) drop the shampoo bottle directly on her nether regions in defiance. She grunted in mild pain.

    “I love you!” She cooed, (Name) ignoring her as he checked his phone, comparing whatever was on screen with the products on the shelves, “are you shopping for him right now?”

    “Don’t speak…” more laughter as more shampoo was dropped onto his sister.

    They shopped around; buying things for their own households respectively (well two for (Name) actually). There were a few people who asked to take photos of Pepi, some recognizing her from online posts, other loving the sassy, regal feline nestled in a flannel. The two were buzzing with energy, feeding off one another respectively. Nahla proposed that they continue the **Sibliventure** **TM** despite her brother being dogshit tired, leading her dear brother to caffeine at the McDonald’s connected to the Walmart. Nahla ordered the two an unhealthy amount of fries and chicken mcnuggets, letting her brother sit down with the meal-number as she wheeled their cart to the car, leaving Pepi and (Name) to sit at a bench. She was able to race back before the order officially finished, setting down three trays of food for the both of them. At first the doctor seemed disgusted, but was coerced to eat the not-salty-enough fries.

    “Can I ask you something serious, (Name)?” It wasn’t often that Nahla asked to talk about anything serious with a voice as low as hers, hearing her trail off. His twin-instincts immediately mirrored her nerves.

    “Yeah? Did I do something wrong…”

    “No! You’re perfect (Name)-- absolutely perfect. I just wanted to ask something-- doesn’t this all seem a little weird? I mean, you out of every apartment owner in Brooklyn is taking care of Sergeant Barnes, who just happens to be the biggest Sergeant Barnes freak as a child? It’s a very big coincidence and you know I’m scared of coincidences… I just… what if the Soldier is still in there, ready to strike? I have high faith in the guys that helped him, but, I don’t want to lose you… we’re twins- ‘ _two halves of one soul’_ _,_ my Co-Pilot, my Sugar Cat, the Brain to my Brawn, the Nerd to my Jock— I don’t want to lose my twin…” Nahla and (Name) both had a tear roll down their cheeks.

    “Nah-Nah,” his sister looked up at the sound of her childhood nickname, “you’re not gonna lose me. No way in hell. The only reason why I was picked for this is because of past SHIELD employment, plus Sam. Sam referred me because he honestly believes I’ll be the best fit for James. Also he already knows about my…. / _Infatuation_ /. I would tell you everything, but I can’t afford Nick Fury to come down from the heavens and snipe me with a tranq and Men-In-Black Neuralyzer flash my memories away.”

    “You fucking nerd,” Nahla muttered, the twins smiling at one another.

    “What? I can’t afford being memory wiped!”

    “You just / _had_ / to use a Men in Black reference.”

    “I love Men in Black-- shove off.”

    After eating almost all the food the two ordered, they headed back to Royal Ridge to relax. Nahla took to driving this time, letting (Name) cuddle Pepi in the passenger seat. Cuddling his precious feline, (Name) wondered if his sister was telling some sort of truth. He’s met the Wakandan King and he already knows that their civilization and technology is way more advanced than anything (Name) has ever seen. Even James himself talked about how there still is a possibility that the Winter Soldier could just… wake up. They could lose James again. Pepi continuously gave her owner her encouragements, knowing he wasn’t feeling well about anything. Once making it to Royal Ridge, Nahla followed her brother to the lobby, taking the two small stairs/ramp to where the mail room was, seeing that James was there at his apartment mailbox. Nahla immediately grabbed and shook her brother in pure excitement as Pepi was already asking attention from him. James didn’t think twice to give her scratches on the head, kneeling down to reach better. Looking behind him, he saw (Name) being ‘attacked’ by his twin, standing up and looking at her almost threateningly, as if he was about to protect him.

    “Hey James! How are you today?” (Name) asked once he pushed his sister away.

    “I’m good.” James continued his glare.

    “This is my sister, Nahla!” James relaxed, glad it wasn’t someone just being an asshole to him.

    “Hey there! I’m Nahla— I’m the older twin!” Her brother hissed under his breath as Nahla laughed, at first going for a hug like normally, switching it to a handshake, “my brother won’t stop talking about you, so it’s good to put a face to the name!” James couldn’t hear what (Name) muttered, Nahla cackling loudly, “So you like it here?”

    “So far, yes. Your brother is a very kind man. I owe him a lot.” James said, a small smile being sent to the man in question.

    “Don’t worry, it’s nothing! You don’t owe me anything!”

    “I do. You’re a very important person in my life, and I don’t want to take advantage of your kind nature.”

    “People tend to do that a lot, actually, so thanks for being so nice to my little loser,” (Name) smacked his sister on the back of the head.

    “Now it sounds like a guilt-trip…” (Name) mumbled, James able to hear the insecurity.

    “We decided to ditch the Keurig by the way! They wouldn’t exchange it and it’s not worth the hassle! We got a Ninja thing, like it froths milk and it does everything else the Keurig does! (Name) owns one and it’s his second child!” Nahla changed the subject, the twins subconsciously holding hands now, “I can help the both of you get to the top floor with everything.”

    “You didn’t have to worry about it. I would’ve been fine for a few days…” James muttered, watching Pepi stand on her owner’s shoes.

    “It’s fine. I had to go anyway to get some stuff I missed yesterday--”

    “You have gorgeous hair,” Nahla blurted. The two looked at her like she was deranged.

    “Context, Nah-Nah…”

    “I’m a hairstylist! Who do you think cut his hair?” Nahla messed with her brothers <h/c>, <style> hair, “I cut all my family’s hair. If you ever need a trim to anything just tell him and I can always come down and I’ll sort you out!”

    “Thank you… Both of you are extremely kind,” James smiled at the two, though (Name) and James locked eyes. (Name) felt his heart skip as he found himself easily smiling back.

    The siblings helped James bring the groceries upstairs, James doing most of the heavy lifting due to the super strength. Nahla decided to annoy James and (Name) the entire time while they rode the lift. Pepi wouldn’t leave either James or (Name)’s side, nuzzling her head against their shins as Nahla rattled on. The trio made their way to (Name)’s apartment, unlocking the door with a numerical code and the key card, pushing it open. Inviting the two in, (Name) set his things down on the counter, James looking around at the decor. There was a standing trophy case with a deer head in the center, surrounded by healing stones in the sitting room. James peered inside of it, being distracted by Nahla teasing her brother loudly.

    Before they went to leave for James apartment, Pepi, being the devious cat that she is, tripped (Name) when running in between his legs. James dropped everything he was holding in order to grab the falling man, grabbing his hand and pulling him upwards with some strength, causing (Name) to crash right into James chest, his dad-hat flying onto the ground. (Name) wrapped his arms around James torso to prevent him from falling again. He could hear the fast heartbeat of James in his ear, the two frozen in place. (Name) could feel his own hammering heartbeat sync with James, his nerves on fire.

    “Are you ok?!” Nahla asked, interrupting the silent moment between the two, startling and causing the two to jump apart.

    “Yeah, Pepi was being a little rat,” the cat meowed, “are you OK James? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

    James looked extremely confused, “I was the one who yanked you around like a Neil Armstrong, are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I? Did I pull your arm out of the socket? Was my grip too tight?” James had the most gentle touches on (Name)’s left hand, seeing if there was any obvious damage to his hand. (Name)’s heart was still racing as James scooped up the fallen hat and affixed it to (Name)’s head, being incredibly gentle the entire time.

    “I’m fine…” (Name) mumbled, “you won’t hurt me. I’m pretty sturdy,” (Name) said, not pulling away from James and his assessment.

    “Pepi! Bad girl!” Nahla chastised the cat, chasing her out of the room, letting (Name) and James do what they were doing.

    “Are you sure you’re ok?” James asked in a small voice, feeling his chest tighten when (Name) started to look at the scars and lines of James hand, tracing the lines with a gentle touch. His heart swelled, craving each soft touch from him as he looked at both the Vibranium arm and his normal one. Even with the prosthetic hand he still had this strong sense of / _need_ / for this man and what he does to his heart and brain.

    “Yeah. I’m from a veteran family and I’m an ex-SHIELD agent, so I’ve had my fair share of rough play,” (Name) said with a gentle voice, startling and realizing what he was doing and apologizing, though he didn’t let go of his hands. James felt something against his leg, looking down to see Pepi standing on her hind legs to rub her entire body up his sweatpants, pulling him out of his mind and pulling him away from the gentle caress of (Name) in order to give the cat attention.

    (Name), embarrassed with himself, hid behind his sister, hugging her from behind as he muttered something to her, though James didn’t make an effort to try to listen what he said, wanting to keep (Name) and Nahla’s privacy. They finally headed to James apartment, Nahla helping James with organizing everything neatly, talking aimlessly as (Name) showed James how his new coffee brewer worked, demonstrating how to work it and leaving the instructions out for James to look back to (unlike Sam).

    Nahla could read the mood in the room; obviously these two wanted to talk about something. Alone. She’s learned the habits and quirks of her brother, able to tell that he was antsy about something. She pretended to check her phone, telling (Name) that she had to ‘see Charles by the subway’, (Name) understanding what she was saying with a curt nod. James thanked Nahla for the help, noticing that (Name) seemed tense when the two hugged and kissed one another’s cheek; James was worried that this ‘Charles’ individual was someone that wasn’t the kindest man, hoping Nahla hadn’t put herself in any trouble as she walked away.

    “Are you OK?” James asked over the sound of his coffee brewing, looking at a distracted and distant-looking (Name).

    “Hmm?” Pepi was at (Name)’s feet, meowing for some reason that wasn’t very clear to James st the moment, “oh, yeah! Just a little lost in thought today!”

    “Are you sure? Was it something I did?” James didn’t give him enough time to answer, “was it me grabbing you before…?”

    “No-- I trust you enough to physically touch me. I trust you… It’s uh… it’s… fuck… it’s just that… uhm... “ (Name) stuttered with a white face, “I don’t want to chase you away. I feel like I’m too overbearing and I feel like I’m too much in your space. I want to help you, but I don’t want to be too on-top of you, I want to let you breathe and relax but I also don’t want you to be alone for too long because this is all so new and scary. I want to make sure you’re comfortable and safe and I know already that I can be a little too much when you told me the other day--”

    “No!” James spat, startling (Name) and waved his hands in a panic, trying to communicate that that’s not what he meant, “I mean, I don’t see it that way! It wasn’t supposed to be negative I’m bad with words. I really love that you try to help me the best you can, making sure I’m comfortable and safe and that I’m not alone. No one’s really gone out of their way like this as far as I remember… I really like you and what you’ve done for me. Like I said before, you’re one of the few that treat me like a human and not some science experiment.... Yeah, T’Challa and Shuri were mostly there to help suck out HYDRA, and Shuri was a good friend to me out of therapy, but there’s still that professional feel to it. Despite you being a professional in helping soldiers, you never make it feel like its professional; you make friends with who you work with and it clearly shows. I love you. For it. FOR IT. I love you for it.” James stumbled over himself, being startled by the sound of the coffee maker finishing its brewing, jumping back. (Name) stood ready to catch him if he fell again. James brain instantly recognized it, his mind racing along with his heart. (Name) seemed a little confused and almost disgusted, James immediately thinking that he just made this man his enemy. He thought about if the idea of James loving the other was a sign that homophobia was still around in the Americas and this man was now thinking about how disgusting he is.

     A panic attack settled into his body, attacking his heart and head with a fury like none other. The cat was screaming and (Name) was trying to talk but everything sounded like TV static and his head hurt. James started to sway, eyes darting around the room, staring at the _**SUNDAY** _column of the calendar hanging on the wall, looking at all the small **_X_** ’s leading up to **_SUNDAY_** , imagining them like small crosses on a casket. Moving away as his eyes squeezed shut, he started seeing the stars and colours behind his eyelids, his metal hand gripping the counter as his back fell into it. His stomach moved and churned like it was being blended, hot tears in the corner of his eyes.

    _“James!”_

    A soft voice asked as a gentle hand reached for him. He vaguely heard if he could hold his hand, moving his head for a nod as the most feather-like touch was placed on the tight fist he balled up, letting him unfurl his hand and gently stroke the indents of his fingernails on his palm. James was silent, his hair cascading like a curtain to avoid looking at (Name) in fear of messing up more. A gentle hand came up to his face, keeping still as (Name) tucked some of his hair behind his right ear, (Name)’s hand being warm and grounding for him when they brushed against his cheek. James could now hear the traffic going by, the screaming of Pepi, and he could even hear the panicked heartbeat of the other, hyper focused on all the sounds now.

    “James… what did I do?” (Name) asked carefully, his hand moving from James ear to his jawline, lingering there, “was I too much for you?”

    “I remember… I remember the homophobia… the hate… the pain… I don’t want to hurt you… I can’t put someone else in danger… do you know how dangerous it is to be accused of being gay?”

    “James. That level of homophobia doesn’t exist here in America anymore… you won’t be putting me in danger— I’m already openly gay, so if someone really wanted to hurt me I wouldn’t be here right now. Don’t worry about me.”

    The first thing James thought of was that (Name) was a small safe haven to him, second to that he safe from harm. Lastly, that he had a small chance now at whatever was happening between the two of them.

    “James, can I ask what you are interested in gender-wise?”

    “I… I remember being very conflicted… Bucky obviously loved Steve, I think more than in a friendly stance too, but Bucky wasn’t upset about that. Bucky was into gals, but he wasn’t disgusted by men…”

    “I want to know about James, not about Bucky,” (Name) fixed James hair as it fell in front of his eyes.

    “Shuri told me about bisexuality… maybe that’s me… I do find myself swinging both ways…”

    “James, I love and accept you. I am not disgusted because of your attraction to men and women. I don’t hate you--I physically can’t. You’re just so / _goddamn_ / great.” James smiled now, feeling this huge way of euphoria.

    “Can… Can I hug you? I really want a hug,” (Name) didn’t answer, his arms already around James. James’ head dropped to hide in (Name)’s shoulder, taking a deep breath in to relax. (Name) was comfortable and warm and everything James has ever wanted. He has never experienced something as extravagant and lovely as being in (Name)’s arms.

    James knew he was getting too deep into this crush with this man. Though, with someone this kind, how could he not? (Name) was a shining beacon in the darkness for him, protecting and saving him from the ugly thoughts. James can’t recall having a single Winter Soldier flashback since being in the company of (Name), unlike when he was in Wakanda. He is slowly understanding the high praise from Sam when he first mentioned his old schoolmate, now feeling a little jealous that Sam was able to meet this man before him despite being alive longer than him.

    James hoped and prayed he could have have a relationship with (Name) like Sam did with him.

    |||||

    It was weird that he was seeing (Name) less and less as the week went on when he was the only thing his day revolved around. (Name) was back at the VA, leaving James to bumble around in the dark and start living on his own in the big city. He’ll get a message from (Name) during his lunch hours and free time.

    On the fourth day of being in Brooklyn, James found himself roaming the streets with his Stark-supplied cellphone in his hands, the tour of the main part of town from (Name) fresh in his mind as he perused the market and the stores in the suburban area. (Name) and James’ blooming relationship helped him realize that this man was a top-tier meme-supplier, sending him memes that he has never seen before, getting his own edu-meme-cation. The personality of the other reminded him of Shuri and how much he was starting to miss the sassy genius. He spoke to Shuri with a digital Wakandan face-call, talking to her about all the important changes he’s had in his life so far.

    On his fifth day, Steve was back in America. There were tears, there were hugs, there was anxiety. James found it a little strange hearing himself be referred as ‘Bucky’ or ‘Buck’ after hearing ‘James’ from (Name). Some time during their visit James started rattling on about (Name) and what he’s done for him so far, Steve bringing up how happy he is that James found a stable support system in the doctor. They tried to get Bucky to remember things before and after the war/HYDRA. They got some things out, recorded down with a paper and pen, enjoying the visitation.

    Day sixth was (Name)’s only day off during the week, where he invited James to lunch with Nahla and her partner. James almost felt deprived of (Name), glad that the offer was presented to him and jumped the chance. (Name) said he’d be at his apartment by noon, giving James about five hours to freak out on what to wear for the lunch. He tried to remember all the style techniques (Name) spoke about briefly when they were shopping. He just grabbed a dark green sleeveless shirt and a leather jacket they got, boots and jeans finding their way in his hands. Looking at himself in the mirror in his bedroom, staring at his reflection. He then spent five minutes wondering if he wanted his hair up or down, deciding to have it up due to the irritation of it against his growing-in beard. By the time he made it to the door there was a knock, James nearly tripping over his armchair in excitement.


End file.
